FREE downloadable resource - link at the bottom.
You've followed parenting advice and put your trust in your children's schools to help you grow happy, successful children but now they are struggling to cope with the challenges life throws at them. Welcome to the resilience conundrum!
By building self-esteem are we unintentionally hindering teenager’s resilience?
Since the late 1980's the emphasis on self-esteem in parenting and education has been the dominant narrative.
Parents and educators have strived to ensure that children and teens feel good about themselves, believing that high self-esteem is a cornerstone of future success and well-being.
But is this relentless focus on building self-esteem inadvertently stifling the development of resilience in our children and teens?
The Self-Esteem Movement: A Brief Overview
The self-esteem movement began gaining traction in the 1980s, fuelled by research suggesting that higher self-esteem correlated with better outcomes in school, better relationships, better overall mental health.
This led to an era where the primary objective became to protect and enhance children's self-esteem.
Practices such as removing competitive sport from schools, giving everyone a prize, avoiding negative feedback, and consistently praising children became commonplace.
The focus on building children's self-esteem stems from a place of care and concern, but it is really important to make sure that this focus does not overshadow the importance of developing resilience.
Resilience is vital for navigating life's inevitable ups and downs and it is built through facing challenges, learning from failures, and persevering despite difficulties.
By fostering a growth mindset, allowing for failure, praising effort, modelling resilience, and providing realistic encouragement, we can help children develop both healthy self-esteem and the resilience they need to thrive!
In our quest to protect and uplift our children, let's not forget to equip them with the tools they need to handle life's challenges independently. After all, true self-esteem is not about always feeling good but about knowing you can handle whatever comes your way.
The Downside of Inflated Self-Esteem
Fear of Failure: When children are protected from failure or constantly told they're doing really well, regardless of their effort or outcome, they may develop a fear of failure. This fear can make them less likely to take risks or try new things, which are essential parts of resilience.
Lack of Perseverance: Resilience is built through facing challenges and learning to overcome them. If children are always given the message that they are already ‘perfect, just the way they are’, they might not develop the grit needed to push through difficulties.
External Validation Dependency: Constant praise can lead children to seek external validation rather than developing an internal sense of worth. When the external praise stops, they may struggle with self-worth and motivation.
So how do you start to overcome these three challenges and build resilient teenagers?
Download this month's free resource!
This will show you 5 ways to support your teenager to build resilience
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