Free download at the bottom
As a parent, watching your child go through transitions—whether it’s moving from primary to secondary, starting a new school year, heading into sixth form, or even stepping into university or an apprenticeship—can be seriously nerve-wracking. And if your child is prone to anxiety or stress? Well, those changes can feel even more overwhelming.
For times like you need to think like a lighthouse! Think of yourself as that steady, guiding light for your child while still giving them the space to figure things out on their own. Have a look at my logo, I too am a lighthouse!
The free download (at the bottom of this blog) will also help by giving you both a goal setting template to work through, setting a goal, planning for how to achieve it and also planning for things that might go wrong is a really helpful to start seeing beyond the hurdle of the transition they are going through.
Here are 10 tips for being that “lighthouse” and supporting your child through these key life stages.
1. Be Their Steady Anchor
Just like a lighthouse stands strong through any storm, aim to be that constant, calm presence in your child’s life. When they’re anxious, knowing that you’re always there can really help them feel secure. Change is part of life, but your support? That’s forever.
2. Help Them Prepare for the Unknown
Let’s be real—fear of the unknown is anxiety’s best friend. Help your child ease those nerves by preparing them for what’s ahead. Talk about the changes they are facing, do test runs on journeys. A transition happens over a period of time (not just in the first few days), find out when new things will be happening and plan for how to manage them.. Knowing what to expect takes some of the scary out of the unknown.
3. Nudge Them Toward Independence—Slowly
Lighthouses guide from a distance. You don’t steer the ship for them, but they light the way to keep the ship safe. Encourage your child to take baby steps toward independence. Let them manage their own morning routine, pack their own bag, or set up their study space. Little by little, they’ll gain the confidence they need.
4. Validate Their Worries
If your child tells you they’re scared about fitting in, making friends, or handling their workload, don’t brush it off. Acknowledge that their fears are real, even if they seem small to you. By listening and validating their feelings, you’re helping them feel heard—and that’s a huge step in easing their anxiety. Talk through ways they can handle those fears, so they feel ready to face them.
5. Model Problem-Solving
Show your child how to approach problems, one step at a time. If they’re nervous about meeting new people, practice social scenarios with them. If schoolwork is stressing them out, sit down together and make a study plan. By breaking things down, you’re teaching them that challenges can be managed—and overcome.
6. Teach Them to Be Mindful
A lighthouse doesn’t fight the waves; it stands strong and lets the storm pass. Similarly, teaching your child mindfulness techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or grounding exercises can help them stay calm during stressful moments. These tools will help them feel more in control when anxiety hits. (BTW, my Calmer Waters product is great for this—check it out! https://www.vickyhenderson.com/category/self-led-tools)
7. Encourage Social Connection
Anxiety tends to shrink when we feel connected to others. Encourage your child to keep in touch with old friends while they make new ones. Whether it’s joining clubs, doing after-school activities, or studying with friends, building a support system can work wonders in reducing feelings of anxiety and isolation.
8. Focus on Growth, Not Perfection
A lot of kids feel this insane pressure to be perfect when they start something new. Remind them there is no such things as perfection. It's impossible to be perfect. Help them switch gears and focus on growth instead of perfection. Celebrate the little victories—whether it’s finishing their homework or first big essay or making a new friend—rather than obsessing over mistakes.
9. Make Sure They Have Downtime
Transitions can be draining—mentally and physically. Make sure your child has time to relax and recharge. Whether it’s reading, playing sports, or hanging out with family, downtime is essential to keeping stress in check.
10. Keep Talking
Just like a lighthouse shines its light, keep the conversation going with your child. Ask them open-ended questions about their day, their feelings, and what’s on their mind. Let them know they can talk to you without fear of judgment. Keeping that line of communication open will strengthen your bond and help you spot any potential problems before they escalate.
At the end of the day, these transitions—while tough—are opportunities for growth. By being that steady, calm lighthouse, you’re guiding your child through the rough waters of adolescence, helping them come out more confident and resilient.
Remember, the goal isn’t to eliminate their anxiety but to give them the tools to navigate it. With your support, they can sail through these changes with courage and optimism.
Download this month's free resource below:
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